Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Protesting unfair taxes - digression from it

I’ve had to take a leave of absence from my job as a nurse at a hospital. It was a hard decision. A protest. I'm not going to pay taxes I don't owe.

Yet, protesting involves sacrificing. I have kids. It’s not just me I have to think of. Not having medical insurance, income, etc. Scary stuff. Thankfully I live with someone who can support the bulk of basic living expenses. But he doesn’t have much. And that means no pocket money for me, no being able to go to Target and buy a cute shirt for my daughter or a cool notebook for my son. It’s basic land living, it’s not Disneyland, the place of mindless consumerism, that fake place which many in the country exist in the perpetual state – kind of like a being in a coma but able to shop. Yes, I’ve been in that state, in the store, eyes scanning the stuff, the prices, my perceived needs, my internal wants, and those wants produced by society/ads/others. Registering those people I’m with, usually my kids, but then they in that state, too. BUT I am aware of all that. Does that make a difference? Hah!

Well, anyway, now I can’t even go to that state of mind if I wanted to – where you have trinkets to show after going to Target lala-land. Although, and this is a major digression, I have been able to get into that state but without buying, by just looking in a store. It’s not all stores – just this one in particular. It’s a resale clothing store, and everything is pretty cheap. Adorable stuff for my little girl. So much. So many options. Tons of great options of clothing for me – if I had some kind of alternative glamorous life with cool artistic friends and we’d hang out at cafés in Paris, discussing art and history and our work, and then trekking to some remote place to interview meaningful people with fulfilling great missions to help others. So cool. Yet immature that dream life. So totally unlike my life now. Pretty sophomoric and juvenile. But hey, don’t they say hold onto your dreams b/c without them, the joyeaux la vie is gone. I’d have to go on Paxil or Prozac or Zoloft or any of the other SSRIs I see so many of my former patients taking to keep the truth at bay because they can’t use their imaginations to keep the spark of their individuality alive in their hearts. This gig is cheaper, and no side effects.

Basically, this resale shop enables me to go on a mental vacation. That’s what is is…. An escape from all the thinking of the financial mess and how to make ends meet, and how there will be no college funds for my kids, so what a terrible parent am I. The thinking and the resulting emotional payout – it sucks. When I go into the resale shop, which I must add is posh, warm, women who work there are friendly and talk about mom stuff in a cool way, they wear cool clothes – it’s all that outwardly acceptable societal samsara that feels so good to be a part of. When I leave, it’s how I used to feel after having a really good yoga class. Refreshed and relaxed and a-ok. It lasts a while with no hangover other than the time I spent in there. I rarely buy something that isn’t on the fifty percent off rack – which makes it $2-3 at the most. It’s weird, but it works for me. Something this gets me through the day. Scary, isn’t it.

But it's one way to get through, a five plus year drawn out mess with the feds and the state of ill.
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Mission impossible

Mark Everson, commissioner of the IRS, states in a message to taxpayers, "To protect the honest taxpayer, we have strengthened enforcement of the tax laws. The vast majority of taxpayers pay honestly and accurately, and they have every right to expect their neighbors and competitors to do the same."

This blog will document my ongoing efforts to extract myself from the financially oppressive control of the IRS during and after being married to a businessman who was less than forthright with his finances. Here's what happened when I tried to be honest and make things right. A little upfront warning: don't try this at home. You'll end up where I am, and believe me, it's tedious at best.

The IRS Mission, according to the 2006 1040 instruction booklet, is, "Provide America's taxpayers top quality service by helping them understand and meet their tax responsiblities and by applying the tax law with integrity and fairness to all."

My Mission: In dealing with the IRS since a joint-income tax return field audit was started in July 2002, I hope to help as many friends as possible, in like circumstances, avoid the "top quality service" of such a fair and honest organization as the IRS. It's not worth it. Don't ever try to be a good American in this realm. Protect yourself.