A little about IRS personnel

I don't know how many US citizens actually come into contact with IRS employees. Before the summer of 2002, my contacts were zero. But it was an eye-opener, just my first encounter with the field auditor.

Let's look at my sad little stereotypical idea, prior to the summer of 2002, of what an IRS auditor was: conservative in thought and appearance (Brooks Bros suits), professional and businesslike, focused and authoritative.

Here's what I witnessed: agent E Collie (aka "B" on some correspondence) - sleeveless button down shirt, a little tight. Clear plastic high heel sandals. Blonde, yet mousy in temperment via questions (lots more on this another time for those of you who may want a little preview about where a field audit goes). Evasive in answers. Prone to diverge into domestic life chitchat about her children with the POA accountant of my ex-husband while I sat there, amazed at the new info I was learning about my then-husband's business (no, it wasn't a corporation - it was a sole proprietorship - hmmmm, what does that mean.....).

Since "B" of the Cinderella glass slipper-like slingbacks, I've been privledged to work with another three wonderfully knowledgable agents - an Mr. R. Smooth, a Miss DS Jefferson, and a Miz Ellington. I've noticed that they all do a lot of stuff with their first names - either just abbreviate them, as if this is important for them for some reason, or they won't reveal them, as in the case of Miz Ellington, who refused to tell me when directly asked. And a tax advocate - the only one with what you could call human characteristics that she can communicate. And now, since Thursday, a tax examiner, Miss M Harry from "northern Kentucky", (she was loath to tell me the town, Covington) who was judge and jury on my innocent spouse appeal, yet didn't know what deposition I was talking about (the 67-page document I submitted with a slew of other documents - makes me wonder just how she perused my case) and her supervisor, JJ Jones, more on him later. By the way, this week I'll be trying to make contact with the head of the Innocent Spouse Division, Vivian Fox (what a glamorous name there, I picture a lot of red lipstick, maybe a 1940's noire attitude) - just to find out stats that the other two fonts of knowledge I dealt with were clueless about: how many people apply for innocent spouse protection, and how many get it.

I'll be introducing you to all these wonderful personalities. I take great notes. I ask good questions. Hell, I've been at this for almost five years. This is as much a story about slogging through the black hole of the IRS as it is about me - and how I've changed - since the start of this.

Me, before and early on in the audit: Helpful, worried, afraid to make a wrong comment, offering the agents information I thought would be helpful - for I had done nothing wrong. I had nothing to do with my ex's business. The truth is the truth. Let it shine, right?

Me, now: As Jack Nicholson's character says in "Something's got to give" What version of the truth would you like? Unafraid - I have nothing in my name now - nothing, really, except for a less than $10,000 rollover IRA. I rent. I drive a borrowed car. I have at most times approximately $100 in my checking account. I got an extension for my 2006 tax return b/c I thought I might get the innocent spouse and get the $500+ refund owed to me when I submit it. I could use it. Forget it. Why file.

The IRS had ruined my credit with a lien for more than $200,000 - all the while my ex sits in one or the other of the two formerly marital properties, one a huge home worth approx. $175,000 and the other, currently up for sale for $695,000 just a few blocks from Lake Michigan.

Here's some news for all of you: THE IRS DOESN'T SEIZE PROPERTY. Only very rarely. They'd rather let the debt increase with penalties and interest.

I know I'm all over the place, but there's so much to tell from the audit front, when you've been there almost five years. More on all of this later........